Thursday, November 10, 2011

Of Life and Death

When we were celebrating Eid recently kat kampung, my mother repeatedly said ntah-ntah ni raya last dia. ntah-ntah tak sempat next raya dah. I jokingly said Raya Cina tak lama dah.. kejap je lagi. There she was, frail and could barely stand up straight. She looked as if she aged by few years since the last time I saw her, which was about just 3 weeks before. And yet demi anak-anak dan cucu-cucu, she cooked all the usual delicacies we usually have on Aidil Fitri. But for Aidil Adha. She told me not to buy lemang or rendang. We were to prepare like we normally do for Aidil Fitri. Despite all her sakit urat and whatnots, we had the spread ready by morning of Aidil Adha.

As muslims, kita percaya mati tu pasti. Cuma masa yang kita tak tau. No one can guarantee he/she will live for another more minute pun. Kun faya kun. Saya ingat suatu masa tu saya bertangguh-tangguh bertudung. Kiranya saya mula pun agak lewat, I was about 18-19yo time tu. Kalau diingat-ingat balik, katakan tak sempat berhijrah, nyawa ditarik balik. Nauzubillah. I have to admit dalam mencuba untuk betul betul berhijab dalam ertikata sebenar, banyak cabarannya. Sehingga sekarang pun saya masih terus mencuba.

Many years ago, my sister passed away in a tragic accident. She was not even 30, and had been married for only 2-3 years. I can still remember my mother said how sad it was for a mother untuk mengkebumikan anak. It should've been the other way around.

Ayah saudara saya, he passed away on 5th Syawal this year. He battled colon cancer for quite sometime. He survived for years through series of chemo and whatnots, and suddenly he gave up. Soon after, he passed away. He was my mom's youngest sibling, in mid-40's, and yet the first that passed away.

Last Tuesday, Tebby's cousin passed away. Even after post-mortem, cause of death was uncertain. I think he was in his late 40's or early 50's. His father (Tebby's uncle) masih ada. Uzur, diabetic (has had his toe removed due to that).

Life goes on. Through happiness of births and sadness of deaths. We all moved on. We need to carry on.

I remember when I was in my early 20's. I saw engagements, weddings, people fell in love with each other. Later I saw some friends' marriage fell apart and they got divorced. And some now in their second marriage. And now I am seeing deaths of close relatives.

When the time comes, bersediakah kita? Cukupkan amal-ibadat? Anak-anak kita sudah cukup terdidik kah? Bila ajal datang, sedetik pun tak tertangguh.

Kepada Mak saya, sesungguhnya mati itu pasti. Siapa yang pergi dulu, hanya Allah maha mengetahui.

2 comments:

pB said...

pB baru sahaja kehilangan ayah pada oktober lepas...


hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu bagaimana rasa sakitnya sebuah kehilangan itu ....

Unknown said...

pB ~ ayah sy now 71 and mak around 68-69 gitu. rasa macam baru je tngok diorang cergas2.. now semakin tak larat. yang lagi sedih tu dalam tak sihat tak sihat tu, gigih masak untuk anak cucu.