ERPOC

Referral fr. Dr Bee. I consulted my regular Obgyn, Dr Ashar the next day.

Saya dah selamat menjalani ERPOC (Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception) awal pagi 21 July 2009, bersamaan hari Selasa. Menurut kata nurse, prosedur ERPOC itu sendiri sekejap saja, mungkin sekitar 5-15 minit saja. Tapi the whole process untuk prepare patient sampai ke exam table dan untuk sedar semula mengambil masa kira-kira sejam. Untuk pulih dari lalok bius pulak, dalam kes saya, mengambil masa hampir 1/2 hari.

Makcik takut taww.. I slept at around midnight, took my last sip of water right before bed. Kena puasa.. I woke up at 2.30am to Adam's restlessness sebab nak susu and could not really sleep after that. I've never been put into unconcious state before my whole life. I was told ERPOC is a minor surgery, but still, there was always 'what if i never wake up'?

Baju OT yang sangat seksi.
Sangat seksa to keep your butt from showing okay..

Tengok wallpaper nun.... horror kan.

I was admitted to room 331, APSH thru their A&E (as Dr Ashar put it, casualty). The worst room in APSH I ever stayed in. The room was considerably small, the wallpaper torn, the toilet was well... urghh. I was given the green, sexy OT dress. Was told to change into it, only it, nothing else. Even my getah rambut pun was confiscated before I was pushed into the OT.

At around 9.00am, two nurses came with another bed and asked me to lie onto it. Then the usual questions of medication and food allergy, acute diseases, as well as false dentures, past surgeries. I was wheeled to their Recovery Area and changed onto another bed. That was when my getah rambut went away and I had that green cap on. Then those questions again. I waited for another 15 minutes before the anaesthetist (Dr Aminah) came and asked the same questions and explained the procedure.

At 9.15am, the moment of truth came. I was wheeled thru doors after doors and what seemed to be like compartments after compartments. It's hard to tell as my glasses was taken away and my poor 400 eyesight was not helping much. We eventually arrived at the OT. Makcik nampak la lampu besar cam dalam movies tu u ols. Nevertheless, I was put into another bed and asked to pull both hands out of the sleeves, leaving me in 'berkemban' state. I heard them talked about Putrajaya and places suitable for photo-shoot. About hindustani movies. They put some wires on me and next I heard my own heart thumping alound. And yes, they asked those questions again.

Next, the anaesthetist came and made an IV at my left hand. They jab in some pain killer which made me dizzy. Ingatkan ubat bius, pelik pulak awat tak knock off lagi at that point. Rupanya pain killer je. Dr Aminah then showed me the ubat bius, according to my poor eyesight, nampak macam panjangnya lebih 1/2 kaki tiubnya. She explained it'd be a bit painful, tanganku mungkin sengal sikit. Yep it was. I was complaining about it and next thing I knew a nurse pat me to wake me up. Makcik konfius ok. The big lamps were gone. I still had that device on my finger and the mask was still on. Ku rasa-rasa, someone had put a sanitary pad on me (i hope it's not that male nurse), meant the procedure was done. I had slight pain on lower abdomen. It was 10.15am and I was wondering what Tebby was doing and if I could eat straight away once in my room.

It was 11.00am when I finally transferred onto another bed and wheeled into my room. The first thing I told Tebby 'anak kita dah takde'. Dr Ashar came for ward review at 12.30pm and told us it was much of blod clots and some tissue since it was still at early stage. He explained about scapping and sucking out which made my stomach turned.

I asked for an early discharge, the very same day. I was given a 2 weeks MC and my next appointment will be on 5th August 2009. I am now on Augmentin (antibiotics) 625mg twice daily, Naproxen 250mg thrice daily (painkiller, so makan kalau sakit aje) and Revicon Forte (multivitamin) once daily.

The bill came to a surprising RM2.9k. Lagi mahal dari makcik bersalin okay. Came to think of it, there was 2 doctors involved kan. The most was OT, rental of sort. Thanks for Fibrecomm, which paid for it via AIA.

Anyway, for comparison between ERPOC and D&C (Dilatation & Curretage), refer drpakar here. Sama-sama tambah ilmu...

Ku Sudah Ada Bibik

Usai dulu kita soalkan pemergian baby saya. D&C saya dipercepatkan ke pagi esok. Asalnya petang. Doakan semuanya lancar ya kawan-kawan.

Akhirnya, selepas hampir 9 tahun berumahtangga, punya 3 anak (dah hampir yang ke-4), setelah menelek-nelek dan mereject 3-4 orang calon pembantu, akhirnya takdir menemukan kami dengan Bibik Ros. Ya kawan-kawan, akhirnya kami ambik juga pembantu rumah. Tebby kata biar kita rileks-rileks sikit. Bukan Bibik Ros mengambil alih secara total, tetapi membantu. Sudah 2 hari dia bersama kami, saya sedikit pelik bila ada masa terluang sampaikan saya tak tau nak buat apa!

Dia dihantar ke rumah saya petang Sabtu lepas. Kena pulak timingnya dengan saya keguguran. Jadi dia banyak membantu saya langsaikan kerja rumah. Namun memasak masih jadi tugasan mutlak kami suami isteri. Saya kan sangat percaya konsep air tangan itu. Orangnya 37 tahun, 2 tahun lebih tua dari saya dan Tebby. Sudah berkahwin, anaknya 2. Suaminya mengajar di pesantren di Kediri, Indonesia. Dia menepati ciri-ciri pembantu yang kami cari. Saat dia minta kebenaran bertudung di rumah, saya lega. Saat dia mengeluh di majikan lamanya susah untuk dia bersolat, sekali lagi saya lega. Adam sudah boleh hook-up dengan Bibik Ros. Kakak sudah besar, okay-okay saja. Iman masih hesitant. Banyak perkara masih saya yang uruskan. Bibiknya dia reject. Saya pesan, kalau mau berhenti, bagitau saya baik-baik. Saya akan hantar dia balik baik-baik. Jangan tinggalkan anak-anak terkontang-kanting di rumah.

Obviously it's still too soon to judge. Saya ingatkan diri saya, jika saya berasa letih mengurus anak-anak dan rumah, makanya dia juga. Kitakan manusia biasa. Dia juga cuma pembantu jadi saya tak boleh serahkan semua urusan secara total.

So, wish us luck. Jika ada apa-apa tips, bolehlah tinggalkan di ruangan komen ya.

Keajaiban Yang Tidak Berlaku

For those who doesn't know yet, we lost our baby. At 9 weeks. 9 minggu yang indah. 9 minggu yang cukup menggembirakan saya. Tambah lagi kalau diikutkan ramalan kalendar, it could've been a girl. Namun perancangan Allah yang pastinya baik-baik belaka, tiada siapa yang tahu.

Pagi semalam Tebby berangkat ke utara, selanjutnya ke Hatyai. Urusan kerja. Bukan saya tak biasa begitu tapi bila saya sedar saya mengalami 'spotting', saya hilang punca. Tambah pulak my regular obgyn was on leave semalam. Dr ganti mengesahkan kandungan saya sudah tiada heartbeat. Dah scan dari banyak angle, hasilnya tetap sama. No activiti, katanya. I'm afraid you've lost your baby. Saya dengar saya menjawab I'm prepared for this. Dr Ashar has related this possibility. Saya bercakap tapi saya mengharap itu bukan saya. Mana mungkin!

Saya khabarkan kepada Tebby. Terus dia call saya. Terus juga saya menangis. I thought I was prepared tapi tidak. Saya hanya dapat bertenang beberapa minit. Bila Tebby mengirimkan sms 'Allah lebih menyayangi dia', saya menangis lagi. Dan hari ini saya bertemu Dr Ashar, to proceed with whatever necessary. Deep down inside, saya mengharapkan keajaiban. Manalah tahu Dr semalam tersilap. Berdeguplah, berdeguplah, hati saya mengharap. Namun keajaiban itu tidak berlaku. Mana mungkin saya mempertikaikan seorang doktor bertaraf pakar.

I am scheduled for a D&C next Tuesday, at around 2.

If it was a girl, she has a name already. Nurul Nawarah. To rhyme with Kakak's Nurul Athirah. Maknanya gilang-gemilang. The name was in list since my first pregnancy. So we thought, it was going to be used afterall. If it was going to be a boy, I would've left it for Tebby to decide.

Gila saya kan. Selayaknya dia bukanlah 'baby' lagi. Kejadian fizikalnya masih terlalu baru. Tapi kawan, saya seorang ibu. Walau 4 minggu pun, 9 bulan pun, 2 hari pun, tak kiralah anak ke 4, ke 2 atau ke 10 pun, seorang ibu pasti sudah terbit rasa sayang. It has a special spot in my heart, khusus untuk dia. Sepertimana Kakak, Iman dan Adam. Setiap orang ada tempat istimewa di hati Ummi.

Terima Kasih Semua

Orang kata, jangan mengeluh awan yang hitam. Siapa tahu selepas hujan reda, ada pelangi indah menanti kita.

Terima kasih semua. Atas dorongan, atas kata-kata semangat. Atas perkongsian kesedihan ini. Kata-kata dan airmata anda semua amat saya hargai.

I'm Still Pregnant

Check-up saya 9 Julai lepas was the 3rd one with Dr Ashar. It was just 2 weeks after my 2nd. Remember I bled a bit last 2 weeks and from the sonogram, the sac was not developing from the week before, where size is concerned? (Read my worries here).

It was the first time I went alone. Dah le detik-detik penentuan nih, kena pegi sorang pulak,... isk.

We had a little chat before doing the sonogram. How I was doing. Well, I was too occupied to be sick, I told him. With 3 kids, no maid, busy husband, neverending dirty laundry. Maybe he was just trying to make things easy for me. The moment of truth came. The sac was bigger than it was 2 weeks before. The baby, my baby, our baby, was there in the corner. I saw something blinking. The heart! It was beating. Dr. Ashar put on the speaker and there I was, hearing its heartbeat. Dup dup dup dup. Enough to give me assurance that, if everthing goes well, I'll hold him/her in my arms next year.

I am to continue with my 5mg folic acid once daily and 10mg duphaston twice daily and to see him in a month time. By then I'll be 12 weeks already.

Alhamdulillah.


Statistic:-
Week - 8w2d
Baby size - 6w3d
Weight - 49kg

me @ 8 weeks

Report Card Day

While waiting for my next appoinment with Obgyn next week (which is like forever given my condition), marilah kita kongsi cerita gembira pulak.

Last week Kakak bagitau ibu bapa kena datang hari Khamis untuk ambik kad laporan. Kalau ibu bapa tak boleh datang, anak-anak tak perlu datang sekolah. Sebabnya, lepas ibu bapa ambik kad laporan, ibu bapa boleh bawak anak-anak balik terus. To us, this was not to be missed. Boleh jumpa guru kelas and discuss about Kakak.

Masa tunggu giliran, sempatlah tengok aktiviti dia dalam kelas. She's quite a lone ranger. Dia duduk kat tempat dia and did some activities on the paper given. I was like 'anak aku ni anti sosial ke?'. Until I met the teacher, we were told Kakak has her own set of friends. Dia tak suka kawan dengan budak-budak yang kecoh-kecoh and loud. Dia lebih suka kawan-kawan yang 'tenang'. Lega ummi, ingatkan Kakak takde kawan. Behaviorally, Cikgu kata Kakak ni terlalu mengalah. Kalau kawan dia usik, cubit, ugut, dia tak melawan balik. Habis kuat pun dia mengadu pada Cikgu. Remember that Sy*z* girl? The one that bullied Kakak? Now they are separated. Kakak dah duduk kat depan whereas Sy*z* and her co kat belakang. I'm glad the teacher addressed that issue. To add to our relief, Cikgu Olya decsribed Kakak as bersopan, soft spoken, and has that inquisitive mind.

Educationally, alhamdulillah. She's at 7th place this time. Masa first term exam she was at 13th. Macam tak percaya mata ummi tengok. Of course I want her to get all the best, all As, all highest scores but I did not want to bank in too much hope. Takut tak dapat, I'll get frustrated and later take it out on her. Not fair kan. I know some may say kecoh je makcik ni, dapat no 7 pun nak heboh. Of course kecoh. Remember when she was in Tahun 1? She was at place 29th. Mostly due to my ignorance on her educational-wellbeing. (Read my keluhan here, here and how I resolute to get up and change for the better, here) When she got no 13, I was happy enough to smile the whole week through. (You can read how proud we were with that no 13, here) What more with 7 right. We later treated her for 'celup-celup' meal at Johnny's. She wanted a Pink Panther dollie, which I have yet to get for her.

Anyway, back to Sy*z*. We finally met her tete-a-la-tete. Kakak whispered to us where's Sy*z* was sitting. When our eyes met, I was meaning to give her that killer stare 'don't you dare bully my daughter ever again', Sy*z* got the nerve to stare back as if saying 'see lah how autie'. Not just that, she waved!

Btw, you can read my special entry on Sy*z*, here.

I Bled!

I bled or rather it was spotting last Friday. Was about to get prepared for Asar when I saw blood stain. Next thing I knew, we rush tp A&E APSH, given a jab (nasib baik bukan yang sakit amat tu) and given Duphaston 10mg. I was told to come back and see my regular Obgyn the next day.

So we did. It was not a happy one. At that point as of last Friday, I was categorized as 'threaten abortion' and chances of survival is 50-50. From the sonogram, there was not much improvement (where the sac's size is concerned) since last week. My Obgyn was not too happy to see that and since I spotted as well, he advised me to be prepared for things to come. Tho it's 50-50 chances, the inclination would be the untowards one. Even the heartbeat was not visible. I am to see him again next 2 weeks.

I stopped spotting the next day, Saturday. Have been religiously taking Duphaston twice a day after food. True, this may be my 4th one. True, this maybe unplanned for. But, to a mother, a baby IS a baby. Even at just 7+ weeks, I have developed that sayang feeling. Well, it may help a bit since I have 3 other kids, but still. Whatever the result maybe, I believe Allah knows and plans the best for us. Kita sendiri tak tau apa yang terbaik buat kita.

So,.. minta doakan yang baik-baik buat kami. Minta saya kuat untuk menerima apa jua ketentuan...