Al-Fatihah to Wan

My maternal grandma passed away last Thursday 17th June 2010. She was 80++, was still healthly and fit. Still going around minding her chores and could not keep still for long. I guess now I know what added up to my kids being like that (apart from the genes from Tebby that is).

I was not raised to be close to anyone, my mom, my dad, my siblings and my Wan included. But that's another chapter altogether. But still, I cried when I got the news. How fragile life is and how unprepared I am for all this, let alone, death. When they asked close relatives to have the last look, we all sobbed openly.

Wan left 7 children of her own and 3 step-children. She was married twice. Once with my mom's dad. With him she had 2 children. Then she married my late step-Aki, who had 3 children from his late wife at that time, and later they had 5 more. If I were to draw our family tree, it's gonna be huge, no doubt. And I haven't started on my father's side!

The day she finally left us, she went to 'paya' (paya is the word we use for abandon sawah. still rich with all sorts of fishes), like she normally did for as long as I can remember. She fell in knee-deep water and drowned. Thing was, my Wan consistently 'black-out' from time to time. Maybe, maybe, she blacked-out and fell. God Knows as she was alone at that time. She usually came back at around 6.00 to 6.30 each day but on that fateful day, she was not home when Maghrib was approaching. They (orang kampung) started searhing after prayers and found her close to Isya'.

Apapun, please recite Al-Fatihah for her (Munah Binti Yatim) and may she be amongst orang-orang yang beriman.

12 Ramadhan 1428H

Al-Fatihah to adik Nurin Jazlin. I hope the monsterous killers/abusers will be captured soon. Walaupun adik Nurin dah selamat dikebumikan, this is far than over. Walaupun saya tak kenal family dia personally but as a mother of small kids, sudah tentu saya pun trauma sama. What is becoming to our community?

Finally, after weeks of meloya, muntah and the likes, I was well yesterday. Maybe it was the kebab I so long to have for iftar. And yet today, I am all weak again. Anyone, please share tips on how I can reduce this feeling. Cannot tahan already.... I have not gone to work for almost 2 weeks and the house is in a total mess.

Anyway.

Remember my 'laman' project? It has started and progressing well. The landscape architect, who came a week later than promised (due to some illness), surprised us when she under-quoted my budget by a good 4-figures! Anyway, I executed my evil plan and added a tempayan, a garden lamp and a wooden bench (We just took the lamp in the end. We'll go and hunt for tempayan and the bench ourselves later). The work started last Saturday, 22nd September. Salleh and his Myanmar counterpart sungguh mengkagumkan saya. Dalam panas-panas matahari, dibulan puasa somemore, they only stopped for Zohor prayer. The rest cuma kerja kerja kerja. Tengok pun penat.. kalau saya yang buat tu, mau cuti sebulan lepas tu! Bukannya kerja senang-senang, siap cangkul licin all the unwanted shrub, gali tanah untuk letak pasir, gali lubang, angkat pokok besar, gergaji kayu tebal... fuhh... Tebby pun tak sanggup. By today they're gonna do everything except the wooden-deck. Kiranya sebelum raya ni insyaAllah siaplah semuanya. Tak sabar...

Saya share a few photos on the first day they started work..

ha, selesai abang Myanmar tu buat kerja, hak dua orang ni sambung pulok!
Ni bukan buruh paksa taww!!
Kalau dah terlepas keluar, inilah kerja saintis kenit dua orang ni.

Al-Fatihah

Saya tak berapa mengenali arwahnya. Secara kebetulannya semasa major re-org 2004, saya took-over sebahagian kerja-kerja arwah. Dia sendiri mendapat tempat yang lebih baik di bahagian lain. Dari apa yang saya tahu, arwahnya seorang yang dedicated dan komited dalam kerja-kerjanya.

Apabila saya dimaklumkan dia masuk hospital, saya biasa-biasa saja. Bila dimaklumkan arwahnya mengidap kanser, saya terpaku. Pada masa itu saya belum ada 'perasaan' untuk menziarah di hospital. Sehinggalah minggu lepas, rakan secubicle saya beriya-iya mengajak. Maka saya pergi juga. MasyaAllah, hampir saya menitiskan airmata melihat keadaannya masa itu. Lemah, hatta hendak bercakap pun susah. Tambah sedih bila saya tengok anak bongsunya (dalam 7-8 tahun umurnya) asyik bermain. Jauh di sudut hati saya, pasti dia tahu ibunya sakit. Cuma mungkin dia tak tahu betapa seriusnya keadaan ibunya.

Hujung minggu lepas saya terima SMS. Arwahnya meninggal dunia. Terbayang-bayang di mata saya arwahnya semasa saya menziarah. Wajah anak-anaknya. Sebak. Itu perkataan yang paling sesuai menggambarkan perasaan saya. Walaupun saya tidak mengenali arwahnya secara 'personal'.

Pagi ini saya dengar cerita anak bongsunya menangis meraung-raung ketika transition mayat arwahnya di rumah disediakan untuk pengebumian. Sampai termuntah-muntah. Sedihnya saya. But life has to go on.

To all readers, please sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwahnya, Pn Zailan Jamaludin. Saya mohon anda semua tolong juga doakan kesejahteraan keluarga yang ditinggalkan. Semoga Allah kurniakan ketabahan kepada mereka bagi menghadapi permergian arwahnya.

Amin.